232

Chapter 232: Full of Agony (5)

“Do you regret it?”

At Kim Tae-gyun’s question, I lifted my head.

Realizing what I meant, he belatedly supplied the subject he had left out.

“Deciding to sponsor the kid.”

He was still holding an unlit cigarette.

“Put the cigarette away.”

“Huh? Why?”

“You said you were quitting.”

“…You were wondering whether you should quit in the group chat, but you’re actually doing it?”

“Of course I’m actually doing it. Why would I fake it?”

At my words, Kim Tae-gyun opened and closed his mouth.

It wasn’t exactly hard to understand why.

Until recently, I had been the kind of smoker who went through a pack a day as a matter of course.

Six months ago, it had been two packs a day, sometimes even three when things were bad.

“Since when?”

“A month ago?”

“No, what the fuck. Seriously?”

But if you wanted to feel like you were starting your life over, was there anything more definitive than quitting smoking?

That had been the reason behind my sudden decision to quit, and it was also what had kept me enduring until now.

I snatched the cigarette from Kim Tae-gyun’s hand and put a carrot stick in it instead.

Kim Tae-gyun stared blankly at the orange vegetable he now found himself holding.

“You can really quit overnight?”

“Apparently.”

Truthfully, I was itching pretty badly.

But a person had their pride. How could I announce that I was quitting and then pathetically start smoking again?

Especially when my father was personally preparing carrot sticks for me every single day.

“You’re fucking insane….”

“Instead of saying that, you should quit while you’re at it. You’re the only smoker among us now.”

“No, how the hell am I supposed to do that? The weird ones are the bastards who actually manage to quit!”

“What are you talking about? You’re just impatient.”

I wrapped the crushed cigarette in a scrap of tissue I carried around, then put a carrot stick in my own mouth.

Crunch, crunch.

It worked well both as a substitute for cigarettes and as something to cleanse the palate.

“You’re seriously fucking insane….”

After watching me, Kim Tae-gyun eventually stuck a carrot stick in his own mouth as well.

“Does this actually taste good?”

I thought this every time, but a guy obsessed with tea leaves hating vegetables with a passion was honestly pretty funny.

“I don’t regret it.”

And as for the sponsorship….

At first, I had wondered whether I was really doing the right thing, but by now I was certain.

I would never regret this.

“Even after everything you went through?”

Kim Tae-gyun, who had hesitated, turned his head away and tossed the question out almost casually.

Even knowing he would not see it, I nodded.

“Yeah. Even after everything I went through.”

“Fuck. Fuck. You… you seriously….”

Crunch, crunch.

The carrot stick broke apart into tiny pieces in my mouth and disappeared.

“You really are a fucking sucker.”

“Yeah.”

“Who the hell worries about the perpetrator’s kid too…? Especially when they’re the victim….”

“But that kid was way too young to be left alone.”

“The rest of the family will take care of them!”

“There isn’t any. I checked everything. Other than the father who went to prison, that kid doesn’t have a single family member left.”

And I was the one who had sent that child’s only family to prison.

My parents were the ones who had pulled strings to make sure he received the maximum prison sentence possible without a settlement.

“Why the fuck would you even look into that!?”

“Yeah. Why did I?”

Truthfully, I did not feel particularly sorry about refusing to settle.

After all, that man going to prison was ultimately the result of his own actions.

And as for receiving the maximum sentence, after he shattered my dream and threw my entire life face-first into the mud, all I could think was that it was an appropriate price.

Maybe even an insufficient one.

“…There are plenty of other kids. Kids left alone because their parents died or went to prison are everywhere. So why that kid? Why, why the child of the bastard who did that shit to you…?”

But what about the child left behind?

What about the kid who now had to live alone?

What crime had that child committed, when they had no choice but to live while depending on someone like that simply because he was family?

“But I saw them.”

I had no reason to take responsibility.

I knew that.

What happened to that kid was not my fault, and I had no obligation to take them in.

I was nothing more than a victim.

But….

“I already… found out that they existed.”

But yes.

I couldn’t help caring.

I really couldn’t help it.

“How could I turn away after that?”

I couldn’t help being the kind of person who could never become happy while carrying someone else’s misery on my back.

“Idiot.”

“I know.”

“Fucking sucker.”

“A little, yeah.”

“…You really don’t regret it?”

“No.”

And so I smiled at the vague outline of my friend.

“I learned from all of you just how precious devotion without any expectation of reward can be, and how desperately necessary a hand extended to you at your lowest can feel. After learning that, how could I regret doing the same?”

Or perhaps I smiled at the one peering into my memories.

My friend’s face crumpled.

.

.

.

「Would it have been better if you were a selfish person? If you were someone who cared only about yourself, then… then I….」

I blinked into the endless darkness.

Had I slept?

Dreamed?

Or watched a great many things?

It was a strange sensation.

「I don’t know what would have been best.」

But even amid that sensation, even in a world filled entirely with darkness.

「At the time, I thought that was the only way.」

I could clearly see the being standing before me.

「…But if there’s one thing I know for certain, it’s that you’re a good person. You’re far too good a person to be the opponent in our wager.」

Gray hair untouched by any other color, pale cheeks.

Eyes that were the same color on both sides.

A tidy outfit reminiscent of formal dress—or rather, a uniform.

And….

「That’s why I want to make absolutely certain that you, at least, can go back.」

And….

「Resent me for refusing to tell you anything. It really is all my fault. Every hardship, every trial, every adversity you’ve faced is because of me. I really am the cause. All of it. Every last bit of it is because I’m the bad one.」

…Ah.

I see.

「So… don’t try to learn anything more. You only need to resent me. Don’t find out anything beyond that.」

You are….

You are simply….

「Ignorance will save you.」

Simply….

「…I’m sorry.」

I did not avoid the approaching hand.

Could not might have been closer to the truth.

It was not particularly important.

My vision faded completely into darkness.

I was falling again.

Read only on MUGEX

* * *

Ah, how convenient. At least it’s already been decided which part of the memories needs to be erased. Tch. Do you know how annoying it was last time…?

「…….」

Why the long face? You’re the one who made the decision.

Or are you trying to win Gretchen’s sympathy by pretending to be pitiful?

「Shut up. I already know perfectly well that I don’t deserve anyone’s sympathy. I’m just… just…. Forget it. I’d rather bite my tongue off and die than talk to you.」

Oh….

Then I guess you should bite your tongue off and die right now?

Wow, I’d be so grateful.

「Fuck off, vermin.」

Don’t forget.

The humans are leaving the vessel alone for now, but if they decide to carry out another execution before leaving this area, then….

「…….」

Keh.

More importantly, I’m really looking forward to seeing how Gretchen reacts.

Do you think he’ll still refuse the execution after losing his memories and hearing about the rampage from the humans themselves?

「…Wait. Don’t tell me you’re taking that too?」

Fool. I very clearly made my wager.

I said I would tolerate no form of threat whatsoever until we left this area.

「That’s cheating!」

What are you talking about?

It’s your fault for failing to set the terms properly. How does that make it cheating?

「You…!」

More importantly—ah.

He’s finally waking up.

Now then.

I wonder what will happen.

* * *

‘Open your eyes, idiot. I already told them all that you wanted to be executed, so just keep going from there. Like the sucker you always are!’

Clink.

The instant I woke up, the sound of metal forced its way into my ears.

I instinctively tried to open my eyelids, but something pressing against the area around my eyes made the attempt itself impossible.

It was a strangely familiar moment.

Clatter.

Just in case, I tried twisting my body slightly.

I didn’t seem to be lying down. More like sitting.

But I could barely feel my limbs.

I mean, I could clearly put strength into them, but I couldn’t feel them moving, and even attempting to move them was difficult.

Something was pressing and tugging at my cheeks too, making me wonder if there was something in my mouth.

“Hmm?”

The problem was that this also felt bizarrely familiar.

Yeah.

This sensation was remarkably similar to something I’d experienced around a hundred and fifty chapters ago.

Especially the whole limbs-bound-and-gag-in-mouth—

“What is it?”

“No, it’s just… I thought he moved….”

—Wait.

Hold on.

This isn’t just similar, is it?

Am I actually, literally restrained right now?

A new voice penetrated my still-foggy ears.

A human voice.

My thoughts began spinning quickly.

What was I doing last?

Getting my ass beaten by the lava demon, then—bang—signal flare.

After that?

Dunno.

Then why am I restrained right now, presumably?

Dunno about that one too… is what I’d like to say, but honestly there are only so many possible reasons.

Rage probably triggered again and I went on another rampage or something.

Not that I actually remember Rage activating, but anyway.

Separate from that, the fact that I could hear voices around me and that they had managed to subdue and restrain me meant the incident was over.

That part, at least, was a huge relief.

Honestly, by the time I collapsed, I wouldn’t have been surprised if the entire city ended up annihilated.

But considering they had enough leeway to subdue and imprison me, it looked like total annihilation had been avoided at the very least.

Yeah.

That was a relief.

It really was a relief.

“…He’s not moving.”

“Did I imagine it…?”

All right.

So what now?

Should I listen to the voices around me and gather information?

Or should I just let them know I was awake?

After wavering for a moment, I ultimately chose the latter.

Staying like this for long was too suffocating.

My throat.

My throat in particular felt awful.

Clatter.

“Oh! He’s moving!”

“H-he’s awake!”

“…Huh? Huh?”

I moved my head, trying to scratch my itchy throat.

There was definitely something around my neck. Every time my cheek touched my shoulder, something hard around my throat got in the way.

I couldn’t breathe.

Clang!

“My lord!?”

It itches.

More importantly, I can’t breathe.

It’s suffocating.

This is suffocating.

Someone take this off.

I don’t need anything else.

Just my neck, please….

Thud!

“My lord!”

Would it have been better if at least my hands were free?

But I couldn’t even touch my neck with them.

I twisted my head from side to side and squirmed until I finally toppled forward.

Clatter.

As a dull pain struck my shoulder and head, the chaotic ringing of metal filled the air.

“Damn it! My lord! My lord, can you hear me!?”

“W-what? What’s wrong with him?”

No.

No.

I hate this.

I really do.

I can’t breathe.

“Wai@#$% ope#$@#$&&#$!”

“#@$^! #@$@%*$!”

“#*%&@#$@#&%!!”

“@@#*@#&@&$@%!”

Clatter. Clatter-clatter.

“@#$%&%%^#$!”

“#$^&$@#@!”

“#@%&$^#$—!”

I thrashed helplessly.

I couldn’t breathe properly.

I needed to breathe through my nose.

My nose wasn’t blocked at all, I knew that….

But my throat.

It felt like someone was strangling my throat.

“#@%^%$#$!”

Among the dozens of sounds rushing back and forth, one suddenly came closer.

Something pressed my body down.

No.

I hated it.

I tried to move and shake it off.

But there were several hands, and one of them grabbed my neck.

Clang.

One of the things around my neck disappeared.

Finally.

“Un$%#@.”

“Don’t#@%%@#$.”

Then the pressure tightening around my mouth disappeared as well.

“*@#@#.”

An incomprehensible voice hauled my body upright.

My throat was still itchy.

“Gre#@%^ Sage! Danger…!”

“#@%^%$. Is it @%%@#$ dangerous@%%@#$? I only saw panic%&$^#$ #$%&%%^#$. You #$%&%.”

“#$%.”

I could breathe again.

But it was still suffocating.

It still felt as though something was there.

I tried rubbing my neck against my shoulder in search of whatever might or might not be there.

Scrape!

But before I could manage that, the sensation binding my arms disappeared.

My hands flew straight toward my throat.

“%%^#$.”

“%&$^#$.”

It itches.

It fucking itches….

I tore the bandages away with my fingertips and scratched at my neck.

Even though the chunk of metal around my throat was already gone, breathing still felt strangely difficult.

It still felt like something was there.

It itched.

“Tch. @%%@#$ know @%%@#$?”

“…This bad@% #$@^$.”

“#@$ and, tell$#^.”

“Hmm, I’ve seen something similar^$#@, so maybe it’d be better not to #@$%?”

“#@ this rate, the neck might #@$%@# #@$%.”

“We should let #@$ it. $#@^@# if we do it wrong, more people could get hurt. @#$ even this person #$@^ is probably much $@# stronger than #$@.”

Scritch.

At last, hot liquid touched my fingertips.

It was still suffocating.

If I peeled all the skin off, maybe that would at least prove there really was nothing there.

I dug my nails in harder.

Only after droplets of blood had soaked nearly all my fingers did the itching finally ease a little.

“…Better not touch the neck for now.”

It was around then that the voices of the people around me began coming through properly.

I focused for a moment, trying to understand the words amid the ringing in my ears.

Touch.

Better.

Those were the two words I managed to catch.

“M-my lord.”

What followed was clearer.

I stopped focusing on the words and realized that the owner of that voice sounded extremely familiar.

So you survived.

“I-I’m going to remove the blindfold….”

Eeeeeee.

The voice coming through the ringing sounded strangely cautious.

A faint presence touched the area around my eyes.

Rustle.

The strip of cloth covering my eyes slid downward.

“My… lord.”

Beyond the haggard-looking Deathbringer stood soldiers holding weapons and Inquisitors.

There were priests.

Mages.

Knights.

Every last one of them was terrified.

“My lord, are you all ri—”

“How many did I kill?”

The sight gave me a realization bordering on certainty.

“How many… did I kill?”

It seemed I would have to die here after all.