Big Sejin, who opened the door, had something resembling a smile on his face, but needless to say, he didn’t look happy.
“Hmm… You want to come in?”
“Yeah.”
I went inside and roughly shut the door behind me, then lightly tossed him one of the bottles of cold water I was carrying.
“What’s this? Cold water to cool my head?”
“Among other things.”
“Haha.”
The guy didn’t find any of this funny. He was only going through the motions of laughing.
Big Sejin sat down on the floor. He opened the bottle and drank nearly half of it before slowly speaking.
“First of all… I know that now that things have turned out like this, I’m going to be the one apologizing and the one smoothing everything over anyway.”
His voice was low and flat.
“Once I cool down, I’ll apologize on my own and make sure to keep the proper distance, so don’t worry. I’m not going to let something like this have a negative effect on the group.”
“…….”
At least his next words carried a little emotion.
“I’m sorry to you and the other members. Fighting in the car must’ve startled everyone.”
I folded my arms.
“…So you’ll apologize to Bae Sejin hyung, but you don’t actually feel sorry?”
“Isn’t that obvious?”
Big Sejin scoffed. Then he rubbed around one eye with his hand.
“I seriously… don’t get it. I think I’ve done everything I’m supposed to do for that hyung as a teammate.”
Big Sejin continued, folding down his fingers one by one.
“Even now, I personally go over about half of his choreography with him one-on-one. And how many times have I covered for him when the cameras are rolling and he says something that kills the mood or just shuts his mouth completely?”
That was true.
Regardless of the fact that the guy didn’t particularly like Bae Sejin, he had always helped him as a teammate whenever we were working.
Though it wasn’t for Bae Sejin’s sake.
“And he calls that pretending we’re close… Ha.”
Big Sejin crushed the water bottle in his hand, then loosened his grip again as if trying to calm himself down.
“What kind of nonsense is that in front of a camera? This is work. What, because he feels uncomfortable around me, am I supposed to not even talk to him when the cameras are rolling? And then he tells me he’s serious about this job while I treat it like some kids’ game…….”
I roughly understood where the disconnect had happened.
I should interrupt him before he got more worked up.
“Yeah. I get what you mean.”
“…….”
Big Sejin silently drank more water. I carefully chose my words.
“You contribute a lot to the team. Like you said, hyung has also received a lot of one-sided help from you without even realizing it.”
“…….”
“That’s probably why knowing that you dislike him puts even more pressure on him.”
I continued evenly.
“He doesn’t really have a choice but to keep accepting your help.”
No matter how hard Bae Sejin gritted his teeth and worked, there was no helping the fact that his abilities as an idol were worse than the other members’.
It hadn’t been what he wanted to do in the first place.
So because he kept thinking, ‘I’m causing trouble for the team,’ he probably convinced himself it was his own karma and forced himself to endure even more.
“He probably held it in until it finally exploded. There was some misunderstanding too. I don’t think he deliberately tried to make you look like an asshole in front of the others.”
Knowing this guy’s personality, there was a high chance he thought Bae Sejin had deliberately humiliated him in front of everyone, so I slipped that in too.
“…….”
Sure enough, he seemed to calm down somewhat.
Big Sejin asked composedly,
“…Be honest. Did what I said back there sound sarcastic to you too?”
“In the car?”
“Yeah.”
I rubbed my chin.
“No.”
Before Big Sejin could answer, I continued.
“But it didn’t sound sincere either. It felt like something you didn’t really mean, but said because the atmosphere called for it.”
If you only looked at that particular situation, what Big Sejin had said wasn’t that different from what the other members had said before him.
The problem was everything that had accumulated until now.
‘Especially right after debut. Back then, you definitely gave off the vibe of, “You’re fucking annoying, but we’re on the same team, so I’ll smile at you.”’
From Bae Sejin’s perspective, that first impression had probably been strong enough that Big Sejin’s halfhearted tone still sounded like mockery.
“I know you did it because you thought it was better for the team atmosphere than outright ignoring him. But to some people, that can be even harder to tolerate.”
“…….”
“Of course, it would’ve been better if he’d tried talking to you separately when things were calmer… but with his personality, he probably couldn’t.”
“I don’t understand him.”
I drank my water and gave a short laugh.
“That’s because your personalities just don’t match.”
“…Ha.”
Big Sejin pressed his forehead with one hand.
“Use this opportunity to actually talk to him.”
Even if they could at least intellectually understand the reasons behind each other’s behavior, they should be able to tolerate each other on the level of, ‘That bastard isn’t actually trying to screw me over.’
But it took quite a while before I received an answer.
“……I’m kind of sick of this.”
It wasn’t particularly positive.
“Of what?”
“Has that hyung ever even tried to get along with me?”
“…!”
Big Sejin spoke matter-of-factly.
“Remember? Ever since Idol Inc., whenever I said something he didn’t like, he’d immediately get offended.”
…Countless examples from the very first team battle onward flashed through my mind. I held back a groan.
“…That’s true. Though he had his reasons.”
“Moondae, who here doesn’t have their own circumstances? It’s not like there’s anyone who isn’t trying hard either.”
Big Sejin gave a dry laugh.
“So let’s not say that hyung was trying hard, had his circumstances, and was sensitive by nature, so I should’ve been nicer to him.”
It sounded as though he had completely given up expecting anything from Bae Sejin.
“You saw him too. He’s still like that now. The moment he found out he had a variety show scheduled with me, he looked disgusted. Isn’t that rude too? I dislike him but still try to treat him pleasantly, and if a little of it shows, suddenly I’m being sarcastic?”
Big Sejin looked strangely tired.
“Whatever. Anyway, I understand what you’re saying. Like I said, I’ll apologize. I’ll sleep first… and then we can talk tomorrow.”
“…….”
This was driving me insane.
I tried to hold back a sigh, then simply let it out.
“Hey. If you’re that uncomfortable with it, don’t.”
“…!!”
“It’s not like the album is going to collapse just because you two are fighting……. If you don’t feel like it, you don’t need to force yourself to give an apology you don’t mean. It might actually be better to curse each other out and fight when you have some free time.”
Big Sejin shook his head.
“No.”
“What?”
“We have schedules starting tomorrow afternoon. We need to settle it before then so it doesn’t show.”
“…….”
Wow. He really was something else.
‘His own feelings can go to hell. Work comes first, huh.’
No wonder it was hard for him to feel more positively about Bae Sejin, who barely managed to pull his own weight.
‘And then there’s this guy’s background.’
I remembered one of the reasons I’d specifically come to see him.
First, I’d dismantle his argument.
“There are seven members in our group. Even if you two don’t talk, people will probably dismiss it as coincidence once or twice. My attitude was garbage for almost an entire month and it still didn’t turn into a huge problem.”
Now for the real point. Saying it was a little… awkward, but there was no other way.
“And the reason I told you to try talking is partly based on my own experience. When I talked things out with Chungwoo hyung, things got… better.”
“…! That’s different.”
“No. There are similarities too.”
I drank some water.
“It wasn’t Chungwoo hyung himself that made me uncomfortable. It was the incident he reminded me of.”
“…….”
“I think you’re similar.”
“How?”
“One of the reasons you keep judging Bae Sejin hyung so harshly might be that, like me, he reminds you of something unpleasant. He’s the ‘last member who came from acting,’ isn’t he?”
“…!”
Exactly. The story Big Sejin had told us while preparing for the concert unit stage had been bothering me.
The reason he’d been cut from his original debut lineup.
—Right before the group was supposed to launch, a kid whose parents were both actors suddenly joined us. He already had some name recognition, so they wanted him in the team… but one of the higher-ups insisted the group had to debut with exactly seven members. What could they do? Someone had to get cut.
In other words, wasn’t it possible that seeing Bae Sejin—the final member, an actor like that guy, and less skilled than himself—had unconsciously aggravated that old trauma?
“…….”
Big Sejin clamped his mouth shut, looking as if he’d been hit over the back of the head.
Honestly, I’d thought there was a chance he might start fighting with me too if I handled this badly, but he wasn’t stupid. He must have understood what I meant.
“…Maybe.”
Right. I knew it.
I nodded.
“That’s why I told you to talk to him and learn a little about what kind of person Bae Sejin hyung actually is. I’m not telling you to understand him or apologize right away. I’m saying you should try judging the other person calmly.”
“…….”
Big Sejin slowly gave a bitter smile.
Then he sighed and shrugged.
“…Okay. I get it. I’ll try.”
It carried a different nuance from his earlier I’ll talk to him.
This time, he wasn’t talking about offering a convenient apology just to get past the situation.
He meant he would seriously try having a conversation.
‘Good.’
That accomplished what I’d come here to do.
I screwed the cap back onto my water bottle and stood up from the floor.
“Good decision.”
“Oh my, you’ve worked so hard, Teacher Moondae.”
“Knock it off.”
“Haha!”
Big Sejin grinned, though he also looked somewhat lost in thought.
He was probably checking whether his aversion really did have an irrational aspect like that.
‘He’ll sort it out himself.’
Whether this turned into a disaster or worked out fine, I was too exhausted to keep dealing with it. Massaging the back of my neck, I opened the door and stepped out.
“I’m going to sleep.”
“Go right ahead. Oh, wait.”
“What?”
I thought he might ask another question about Bae Sejin, but what came next was unexpected.
“You weren’t acting that much like garbage back then, Moondae. You were just sick and still worked hard. Chungwoo hyung was only worried about you too.”
“…!”
“Thanks for caring. Good night.”
Big Sejin gave me a faint smile, waved, and shut the door.
Click.
“…….”
I hadn’t expected to hear something like that.
It felt a little strange.
“Hmm.”
I stood in front of the closed door for a moment, then came back to my senses and headed toward the living room.
If Bae Sejin was still talking with Ryu Chungwoo in our room, barging in would be awkward.
The three I’d seen earlier were gathered side by side in the living room, watching TV and whispering among themselves.
“When can we go into the rooms? I’m sleepy.”
“J-Just wait a little longer….”
“Hold it in, idiot. You can sleep in the living room.”
“I don’t like the floor. I like beds.”
“That’s more important than hyungs’ feelings?”
“Both are important!”
Cha Eugene and Kim Raebin looked about one step away from grabbing each other by the collar. Seon Ahyeon was breaking out in a nervous sweat.
“G-Guys. Don’t fight…!”
Holding back a groan, I spoke.
“……All of you, go in.”
“Hyung!”
“Moondae hyung!”
“D-Did they make up…?”
“No.”
After making them promise not to ask any questions, I sent Cha Eugene back to the room Big Sejin was in, and sent Kim Raebin to his own room after telling him not to wait for Ryu Chungwoo.
Then I told Seon Ahyeon,
“Let’s just sleep in the living room.”
“O-Okay!”
It looked like this would be the first time since our debut that I slept somewhere other than a bed. Thinking about it now, we really had gotten along well until this point.
But just as we pulled some blankets from the built-in closet in another room, Ryu Chungwoo came out of ours.
“Hyung.”
“Oh, guys. …Why did you take out blankets??”
“W-We thought your conversation might take a while….”
“Oh, it’s fine. Go in and sleep. I’m done talking to Sejin.”
“Did it go well?”
“Hmm…….”
Ryu Chungwoo looked conflicted.
“…It seems like Sejin’s been having a pretty hard time emotionally. I don’t know if it’s fair to say it’s entirely anyone’s fault, but… we’ll need to arrange a time for those two to talk things out. How was Lee Sejin?”
“He said once he gets his head straight, he’ll try talking.”
“Good. Then let’s see how things look tomorrow and talk again.”
“Yeah. Good work.”
“It wasn’t work. You’re the one who did a lot.”
Apparently, Ryu Chungwoo had spent the whole time listening carefully to Bae Sejin.
After roughly saying good night and returning to the room with Seon Ahyeon, I found Bae Sejin clearly calmer than before.
“…Sorry. I made things uncomfortable because of me.”
“N-No…! Hyung, a-are you okay…?”
“I’m okay. I just… Anyway, I’m sorry. I’ll be careful.”
Bae Sejin said that with a pale, swollen face, then lay down on his bed and went completely still.
I could practically feel the stress swirling around inside him without even looking.
‘He must’ve agonized over this like crazy.’
I didn’t even need to hear it to know. His thoughts probably swung back and forth from ‘Did I go too far?’ to ‘No, but that bastard—’ and everything in between.
“…….”
Seon Ahyeon quietly crept toward his bed without making a sound. I sighed, turned off the room light, and lay down in mine.
‘I didn’t get to monitor anything.’
I’d originally planned to do it in the car, but as you know, that had been impossible.
‘Should I at least do some now?’
I turned on my smartphone and slowly started checking public opinion, beginning with news articles.
But it wasn’t long before I heard a quiet voice.
“…You’re not sleeping?”
It was Bae Sejin. Apparently conscious of the sleeping Seon Ahyeon, he spoke in an extremely low voice.
“Not yet.”
“…….”
Bae Sejin remained silent for a while.
Then, after a moment, I heard his hoarse voice, hesitant to an almost painful degree.
“Hey… Was I the one who did something wrong?”
There was anxiety in his voice.
“No. It’ll be okay.”
It was just… two guys who were a terrible match for each other, each putting up with the other because they thought they were doing it for the group, until everything had festered.
If I absolutely had to weigh it, Bae Sejin was the weaker party, so he had probably suffered more.
“……Okay.”
There was a tiny sniffle, as though he’d pulled the blanket over his head. He clearly didn’t want me to notice.
I turned off my smartphone and quietly closed my eyes, pretending not to know instead of making a fuss.
‘They’ll reach some sort of conclusion once they talk.’
Until then, I should keep the two apart.
Read only on MUGEX
That was what I thought before I had any idea that, the very next day, those exact two would somehow end up on the same team during W Live.